50 States: A Recount

 

I recently visited Delaware on my way to Virginia Beach, and was very excited to check off a new state! It’s been a while since I’ve thought much about my old 30 x 30 goal, but thought I should update it nonetheless. When I went to remember which states I visited, my total tally is much less than I have previously states! Did I miscount initially, or did I simply forget about some adventures over the years? I’m leaning towards the ladder as my memory is the worst, but really, it doesn’t matter.

As of today, July 3 2019, I’m saying my count is 32 states visited plus D.C.

Dream Musings

I had this dream, where I was trying to get from one place to another, and it was a long ways. My friend who dropped me off at point A told me it would be easy, I doubted her, but OK, I didn’t have much choice. The journey from A to B was basically up a very steep hill, and traversing it, came in two parts:

I was inside a building and had to get from the ground floor to the top floor. But rather than stairs or an escalator, there was this pulley rope system. After a few tries, I managed to get myself about 3/4 of the way to the top, but inevitably, I’d “swing” back down to the ground. Eventually, some nice people on the top floor, saw my struggles and helped heave me the last bit, so that I finally landed on the top floor. Victory, at least partially.

I left that building and found myself in another building–part frat house, part luxury condo. There was a jam band in one area, smoke wafting, drinks flowing. I kept weaving my way through people trying to find the stairs that would lead me to point B. I had seen them from the outside of the house, but once I was inside, it became a labyrinth, each turn a wrong turn. I felt like I probably looked quite foolish to everyone, everyone else enjoying themselves, and I’m running in circles, obviously perplexed.

I’m fatigued and feel like giving up. On a balcony, I’m lean against a railing watching the hi-jinks in the pool. There are three younger women next to me. I take one more chance. I interrupt them and ask if they can help me find the stairs. One of them enthusiastically helps, without hesitation, of course, it’s this way. She walks me in the direction of a staircase that I had previously considered but talked myself out of. Of course it’s that one, I think.

I manage to get to point B. I don’t quite remember what I did there or why I needed to go there. I feel like the substance of the dream was the journey. My take away? I had to ask for help. I was only able to get so far on my own. And when help was provided or asked for, everyone helped out, kindly.

Side note: After point B, I went back to the house party. I was standing at the bar, drinking soda, (oddly, I actually had drank a soda at a bar that evening in real life) and Benedict Cumberbatch, dressed as Dr. Strange, but certainly acting as himself, comes over to say hello. Nothing illicit, but a genuine, heard you were a fan, hello, nice to meet you. And I was so pleased.

After the journey was a handsome reward. 🙂

Be Forceful – Excerpt of my 2017 Annual Review

2017 is ending on a more or less positive note. Literally, today, December 31st, I feel pretty good about things and optimistic about the future. I’m not sure if I really spent the year “being forceful” or “getting what I came for” as I had wanted to at the end of 2016, but I do have some rather good memories, as well as a few lost opportunities.

A prime example of this was in the ED. It was a quiet night shift with one of my favorite doctors, we have a good relationship and he’s always been kind to me asking questions about the profession. The hospitalist asked him to go to the ICU to oversee an intubation on a patient, so my doctor goes up. I have never been to the ICU, I have never seen an intubation. I was curious and it would have been a great learning experience for me. And I am almost certain that my doctor would have said OK if I had asked to tag along, but I didn’t. I’m not sure why I didn’t ask. And I still kick myself in the butt for this missed opportunity. And yet a few hours later into the night, I didn’t hesitate and was able to be of “great” assistance. A patient came in post-stroke and because it was a night shift, the ED connected via iPad to a tele-stroke unit. Well, the doctor and nurses were having difficulty connecting. There was a number to call but it wasn’t enough digits to be a telephone number. During emergencies, I tend to observe and record, that’s more or less the job, but I walked up to the tablet and started pressing buttons, I had a good instinct about what was going on. Sure enough, the number wasn’t a telephone number but a conference code. They needed to enter an app and connect via conference line. Voila, I made it happen. I was really proud of myself because I have this passive nature where I tend not to get involved, but I was able to help, my skills were useful. I’m sure they would have gotten it figured out, but I helped save some time.

Similarly, during a chemistry exam, I noticed the student beside me had writing on her hand. It took me several minutes to work up the courage to ask her about it. She said they were her study notes and she offered to wash them off. I was still passive, saying, “it’s up to you if you wash it off” and “don’t you think that’s messed up?” But I didn’t cause a scene, I didn’t get the TA, I didn’t demand she wash her hands. The next day, I spoke to the professor about what my exchange with the student. Another move I wasn’t sure about — Was I trying to get her in trouble? Would the professor wonder why I didn’t do more? Would the professor wonder if I was making it up? But ultimately, confronting her and putting the situation in the hands of the Professor allowed me to walk away with a clean conscious. It wasn’t up to me to determine what would happen anyway, but something “wrong” clearly happened, so I spoke up. Could I have done more? Sure. But I did something, and I think that’s important.

My resolution and/or my goal for 2018 is to not miss out on opportunities. It can hurt to ask, but rejection won’t kill you either.

Walden’s Pond – Memory #7

This past summer, my parents enjoyed their first summer of retirement, it involved a lot of gardening and landscaping projects around the house. They really enjoyed themselves, and I got to eat of a lot of fresh vegetables! See, I’m currently living with them in my childhood home, and man, I really love this house. Obviously, it’s largely sentimental, but there are some legitimate upsides to the house and land. I’ve mentioned this to them–that I’d prefer if they didn’t sell the house–that it should be kept in the family (my siblings have said the same thing.) But my dad says no, they’ll probably sell the place, but they also haven’t made any efforts to do so in the past year.

So one evening as the sun is setting, at the end of summer, my dad and I are outside talking. We’ve been pulling brush out of the field and were taking a breather. “Hey dad, come on, you can’t sell this place. It’s too good. I want.”

“No, no, no. You don’t want this place, it’s too much work. You want a nice Walden Pond.”

Walden Pond?!

“I’m sorry — what — did you just make a Thoreau reference?!” My mouth agape.

My dad, who barely passed high school, who I’ve rarely seen with a book in his hands, made a Thoreau reference. It just tickled me pink. No matter how much we think we know people, we never really do, and it’s wonderful when the unexpected is something positive!

Inspiration: Ashton Applewhite

Need a pick-me up? Watch Ashton Applewhite’s Let’s End Ageism.

Age-ism is prejudice against our own future selves.

And this gem, “I stopped blaming my sore knee on being 64. My other knee doesn’t hurt, and it’s just as old.” 😀

Various Notes

On the job 15 years from now:
I’m comfortable and confident in being a doctor, even though I’m fairly new to the profession. I feel prepared and ready. Steady. I see myself in a white coat, in a quiet office/work space.

Work/activities that give me satisfaction:
Working one-on-one with people. Helping them, feeling like I’m making a positive impact. Being intellectually challenged and stimulated. Discovering new things.

Personal learning style, work habits:
Take my time. Start early. Plan accordingly. Don’t cram. Focus on what you’re doing–are you really reading to comprehend or just sitting in front of a book? Time management. Mold the system to work best for me rather than attempting to fit within the system.

Motivation:
Internal drive and external support.

Coping:
People and professors around me. Athletics. Counseling.

One theme:
Overcoming. Prevail. Succeed. Triumph. Flourish. Thrive.
Independent thinking. Independent living.

Current Life Motto

Keep my ideals high and my morals intact.

Happy happy

A lot has been going on, and I just wanted to update the site to say that I’m happy. Everything isn’t perfect *cough* failed a test! oops *cough*, but I’m happy. And that’s such a good feeling. I’m grateful for the turns my life journey has/is taking. I’m making good choices.

School is tough, but I’m learning so much, and most of it is fascinating.

The weather is warming up, so I’m starting to hit the pavement and the courts.

My work life is more rewarding now, because after going to class and being a ‘noob’, it’s nice to turn to work and remind myself that I’m an ‘expert’ at something.

Volunteering has turned into a really unexpected friendship, and a spiritual awakening.

This post is a reminder. Things may not go perfectly, there may be bumps in the road, but the journey can still be good.

New Year: 2015 Look Back

For a while now, I’ve been doing a version of Chris Gullibeau’s Annual Review. And I really like doing this because it makes me appreciate everything I’ve gone through in the past 365 days. I highly encourage everyone to take some time to do it. It boils down to: what went well, what went poorly and what do you want to accomplish next year? I keep a pretty detailed version that covers everything personally and professionally, but here’s a little bit of it:

2015 Summary
Not as good as 2014, but a good year generally. Felt like there were several hurdles this year—not accepted into pre-med post-bacc programs, not accepted into meditation retreat, not accepted to volunteer at hospital, some minor health issues, etc. But to feel like it was a good year generally when faced with all those hurdles that is actually pretty incredible for me. I am more resilient than I realize.

2015 Highlights
• Cancun with DK, B, and DB
• Shadowing Dr. D
• Changed my legal name!
• Spring dating with J
• May visit to Greenpoint/NYC for GCEF meeting
• Time with M (her in Ithaca, me in NYC, phone calls, check-ins)
• Baltimore visit to see J in July
• Weekly tennis (with L, C, H)
• Months 1 and 2 of marathon training
• FaceTime calls with the kiddos
• NYC Marathon! 04:32:49
• Time with B — in Cancun, Boston, Ithaca
• Great time with M around New Years Eve
• Ended the year at 630 miles of run/biking/walking
• Ended the year at 115 volunteer hours (83 at HospiCare!)
• Ended the year at 36 books!

Goals for 2016
• PR in a run race (any distance)
• More cycling
• Do really well in school and enjoy it: remember, I am choosing this.
• Do one more thing to help my med school application (research/shadowing/volunteering)
• Be more social
• Get a tattoo

Theme for 2016: Self-Advocacy. Be my own champion.

Personality // What Do You Spend Your Money On?

Recently on Quora, someone asked “What is the most effective way to see a person’s true personality?”

And someone responded:

The most effective ways to see a person’s true personality is in 2 ways:

1. observe them in times of adversity (or high stress)

2. watch what they spend their money on.

And I thought that was a pretty good strategy–not perfect, but a good place to start. As far as recalling my reactions to times of stress, well that’s a post in and of itself, really you can say this whole blog is dedicated to that!

I did opt to look at my finances to see where I had spent my money this past year (at least my credit card interactions from Feb – Nov.)

Health & Fitness (32%). Chiropractor, psychiatry, race fees. Plus general check-ups, etc. I feel OK with this given that my goal for this year was to take care of myself—mind, body and soul.

Food & Dining (13%). Mostly groceries. Then restaurants and bars. Practical.

Travel (11%). Mostly trips to NYC to see friends, or otherwise work- or health-related.

What does this say about my personality? I think it’s fair to sum up that I live a healthy, simple lifestyle. No real extravagances.

Of course, what doesn’t it say? Certainly, how a person spends their time should also be a large consideration when defining their personality. I have more time than money to give at the moment. So far this year, I’ve given over 100 hours of volunteer time! I’ve never thought about the cumulative total of hours before, so I’m feeling pretty awesome about that. Definitely a good reflection/assessment of who I am right now and what my priorities are.