Feeling Sad

I feel sad right now. More sad than I get lately. Meaning, I can’t really get devastatingly sad anymore. The medicine stops the hurricane, so to speak. But I’m sad now, and am tempted to sit on my bed, hug my knees and let that hurricane arrive. I’ve done it so many times before–and old habits are hard to break, even with medication.

What caused it? Pining away for a guy who’s not interested in me. Big surprise there, right? She remarks sarcastically.

But that’s just the trigger. What’s really eating away at me?

  • I feel like I’m existing, not living.
  • I feel like I’m not good enough–never have been, never will be.
  • I feel like I live in a world where I constantly have to defend my way of thinking.
  • I feel directionless.
  • And I feel like I’m the only one.

And yes, I feel like no one will ever love me. But I have been loved, and isn’t that good enough, can’t that console me in my present long enough to last me into the future where anything else possible?

I recognize that I’m just feeling a lot of negative things right now. And that I have the capability to feel positive things–I have to at least attempt to. And that right now is constantly changing. It’s hard for me to believe, but I can beat back a hurricane.

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Feeling Sad

One thought on “Feeling Sad

  1. It`s strange. I`ve just finished my post about the trap of negativity and came upon you. You are so open, but feeling not heard. Really sad. Cause I admire the depthness of your feelings and thoughts, of you yourself. It takes courage, strength, and unfortunately, loneliness, to stand where you are. You could enjoy and love yourself only for this, if the world does not. No direction? You think they have?!? Nameless and pointless, engaged only by their daily routine. You`re the direction.

    You`ll beat the hurricane for sure!
    Love & hugs!

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