I can’t sleep, so why not just blurt out everything I’m thinking onto the internet? Sure, sounds good.
I HATE how much Adam Hopkins lied to me:
- When I repeatedly asked him how he was doing after his aunt died, and he said fine, fine. LIE.
- When he wrote me an e-mail at Banff telling me I had nothing to worry about and that he was just making friends. LIE.
- When he didn’t tell me Shannon was going to be in NYC. LIE.
- When he told me he was going to stay an extra night in NYC, so he could “spend more time with TJ.” LIE.
- When he told me our friendship was too important and that he wouldn’t go see Shannon again in Philly. LIE.
- How he kept saying he “wasn’t ever going to see her again” and then repeatedly did. LIE.
- When he told me he wouldn’t play on our co-ed softball team again. LIE.
- When he said he would pay me for the beach house deposit. LIE.
I hate how Adam Hopkins tells people we broke up because he wouldn’t move in with me. Or how he “kissed” a girl like it was just some silly mistake, and not that she was a special girl who he spent three weeks developing feelings for her, the same girl he said he “was never going to see again” but saw her twice more. Stop lying about what went down.
I hate how when I had a kitchen fire, I didn’t even bother calling Adam Hopkins for help because I knew he wouldn’t leave his precious Out Of Your Head Collective. I just dealt with it on my own.
I hate how Adam Hopkins doesn’t clean his room or his car.
I hate how Adam Hopkins cheats on his taxes. Grow up. I hate how he barely has the money to support himself.
I hate how Adam Hopkins was a shitty helper at moving.
I hate how Adam Hopkins told me he “was practicing,” after I was in a car accident and wanted to see him.
I hate how Adam Hopkins would never go give blood even though he’s O positive. Saving three lives isn’t more important than playing his bass.
I hate how my birthday didn’t trump Out of You Head’s weekly meeting. Thanks for making me feel so goddamn special.
I hate how my M.A. graduation was just an inconvenient blip on his radar because all Adam Hopkins cared about was Banff.
I hate how unadventerous and lazy Adam Hopkins was in bed. Catholic-guilt much.
I hate how Adam Hopkins made me think it was okay to go to bed at his parent’s house.
I hate how Adam Hopkins was never on time to see me – ever – but was never late to a gig.
I hate how disrespectful Adam Hopkins was to my parents, never shaving, never trying to make a good impression, never looking my dad in the eye.
I hate how his parents loved me more than he did.
I hate how even if I wanted to talk to him I can’t because all he does is lie now.
I hate how I’m the one lying in bed wanting to die when I didn’t deserve this.
I hate that all I ever asked for was honesty, and he couldn’t give me that. I hate how selfish Adam Hopkins is. He’ll do anything to be happy.
I hate how few of his friends ever tried to reach out to me. Just reinforcing that I am not special and that I did not matter to them. That I’ll be replaced soon enough.
I hate how his friends won’t care what a shitty person he is. That being a great bass player or great softball player somehow trumps crushing a human spirit.
I hate how Adam Hopkins made my friend sound trashy and immature because of her summer-camp drama/flings, and yet he goes off and has one of his own.
I hate how his new friends call him “Legend.” Piss off you egotistical ass.
I hate how Adam Hopkins would never do the things I wanted to do, but if his friend suggested the same things, he’d be down.
I hate how Adam Hopkins just gave up on us, when we used to be pretty fucking awesome together.
I hate how Adam Hopkins calls Banff “the best time of his life.”
I hate how Adam Hopkins said my being there for him during the worst year of his life, “didn’t make it any easier.”
I hate how Adam Hopkins said he “didn’t regret” the kiss with Shannon in NYC. Not even 24 hours after we “broke up.”
I hate how Adam Hopkins sends me e-mails at his convenience talking to me like we’re friends, because he doesn’t have the balls to call me or see me face to face and actually see the pain he’s causing me. I hate how a few weeks ago after our break up, he had the NERVE to write “love.Adam”
I hate how he took a day off gigs and drove two hours to Philly to spend the day with Shannon, because she is so goddamn special after knowing her for six weeks. Grow up.
I hate his little unrequited love fantasy with Shannon. (You set yourself up with a girl you can’t be with – do you not realize how messed up that is of you?)
I hate how Adam Hopkins sat best man at his friend’s wedding when he knows nothing of love or marriage or commitment or sacrifice or honesty.
I hate how Adam Hopkins made such a big fucking deal about those baby teeth a few weeks ago. What did you think people would think?!
I hate how Adam Hopkins reads this blog, vicariously trying to be a part of my life. STOP IT.
I hate how Adam Hopkins made it sound like I was standing in the way of his dreams, when all I ever did was support that shit.
I hate how Adam Hopkins made me feel horrible about myself and my body.
I hate how often Adam Hopkins would say no to sex.
I hate how little Adam Hopkins said, I love you, back in the days when he might have meant it. I hate how often he said it once he didn’t mean it.
I hate how Adam Hopkins isn’t hurting.
I hate that I am.