I haven’t posted in an a while so I figured why not since it’s not even 9AM yet in Portland. Not to say I haven’t had any ideas or thoughts, just the lack of time to put them to paper (to website?) with the traveling and being sick.
Here’s a quick run down of things:
– Had a really crappy dream about my lying-cheating, narcissistic ex-boyfriend, Adam. (Can I preface him like that whenever I talk about him? I might just try to.) Apparently I can cut him out of my life but not out my dreams. This dream even had my other ex-boyfriend, A, in it. They’ve both been in the same dream before – I guess in my head they’re pretty similar.
– Luckily that first dream was followed by a dream about my high school reunion, which was a dance held above a department clothing store…? And while not interesting – friendly chit chat with people from the past and getting hit on by stupid boys – I met two tall, handsome military men at the end of the dream. (Yes, I’m going through a military thing right now.) And I had the distinct thought that I was glad I had passed up those chumps at the dance and got to meet these guys. Felt very, and the moral of this dream is… Lol.
– Apparently, several people I knew through my lying-cheating, narcissistic ex-boyfriend, Adam, are getting married. While I am happy for them, I am also incredibly skeptical, which maybe means I’m not actually happy for them. Don’t like 1 out of 4 marriages end in divorce? I also imagine that my lying-cheating, narcissistic ex-boyfriend may make a toast at a few of these weddings, which goes back to grievances 2.5 where I think it’s ridiculous for him to be giving a toast bestowing love, fidelity, commitment, growing up etc. when you know, he knows nothing about any of that stuff.
– There was also this interesting Ted video on love and why we cheat. Take what you will from it: Helen Fisher Tells Us Why We Cheat
– Do you think it’s possible that there’s no such thing as “the one”? Or rather, we all have the potential to be each others ones. I guess this is what’s behind the idea of “settling.” We can end up with people we never would have expected. Although, I really hate the term. From the video above, “George Bernard Shaw said it a little different, ‘Love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another.'”
– If you’re wondering why all the thoughts about my lying-cheating, ex-boyfriend, Adam, recently, it’s because, well to be honest, even as I move on with my life, I’m still processing stuff. Like in NYC, T and I were walking down the street and “Tiny Dancer” was blaring from a street vendor and it was an instant reminder. However, the conditioning is really wearing off (hopefully after another 4 months, it’ll have worn off completely), and these moments are now few and far between.
– But I think more so what has put him on my mind was the fact that I went to Baltimore for the first time since August for a work-client meeting last week. It was really great working and fun hanging with my friend A. But I was also very anxious leading up to that day. (Side note: Would it be weird to visit his parents when in Baltimore? I would really like to as we were very close. I even talked to his dad recently when my car broke down. But I also don’t want to come off as “not letting go,” you know. Thoughts?)
Okay that’s all. Out.