Dream Musings

I had this dream, where I was trying to get from one place to another, and it was a long ways. My friend who dropped me off at point A told me it would be easy, I doubted her, but OK, I didn’t have much choice. The journey from A to B was basically up a very steep hill, and traversing it, came in two parts:

I was inside a building and had to get from the ground floor to the top floor. But rather than stairs or an escalator, there was this pulley rope system. After a few tries, I managed to get myself about 3/4 of the way to the top, but inevitably, I’d “swing” back down to the ground. Eventually, some nice people on the top floor, saw my struggles and helped heave me the last bit, so that I finally landed on the top floor. Victory, at least partially.

I left that building and found myself in another building–part frat house, part luxury condo. There was a jam band in one area, smoke wafting, drinks flowing. I kept weaving my way through people trying to find the stairs that would lead me to point B. I had seen them from the outside of the house, but once I was inside, it became a labyrinth, each turn a wrong turn. I felt like I probably looked quite foolish to everyone, everyone else enjoying themselves, and I’m running in circles, obviously perplexed.

I’m fatigued and feel like giving up. On a balcony, I’m lean against a railing watching the hi-jinks in the pool. There are three younger women next to me. I take one more chance. I interrupt them and ask if they can help me find the stairs. One of them enthusiastically helps, without hesitation, of course, it’s this way. She walks me in the direction of a staircase that I had previously considered but talked myself out of. Of course it’s that one, I think.

I manage to get to point B. I don’t quite remember what I did there or why I needed to go there. I feel like the substance of the dream was the journey. My take away? I had to ask for help. I was only able to get so far on my own. And when help was provided or asked for, everyone helped out, kindly.

Side note: After point B, I went back to the house party. I was standing at the bar, drinking soda, (oddly, I actually had drank a soda at a bar that evening in real life) and Benedict Cumberbatch, dressed as Dr. Strange, but certainly acting as himself, comes over to say hello. Nothing illicit, but a genuine, heard you were a fan, hello, nice to meet you. And I was so pleased.

After the journey was a handsome reward. 🙂

Dream Musings

Be Forceful – Excerpt of my 2017 Annual Review

2017 is ending on a more or less positive note. Literally, today, December 31st, I feel pretty good about things and optimistic about the future. I’m not sure if I really spent the year “being forceful” or “getting what I came for” as I had wanted to at the end of 2016, but I do have some rather good memories, as well as a few lost opportunities.

A prime example of this was in the ED. It was a quiet night shift with one of my favorite doctors, we have a good relationship and he’s always been kind to me asking questions about the profession. The hospitalist asked him to go to the ICU to oversee an intubation on a patient, so my doctor goes up. I have never been to the ICU, I have never seen an intubation. I was curious and it would have been a great learning experience for me. And I am almost certain that my doctor would have said OK if I had asked to tag along, but I didn’t. I’m not sure why I didn’t ask. And I still kick myself in the butt for this missed opportunity. And yet a few hours later into the night, I didn’t hesitate and was able to be of “great” assistance. A patient came in post-stroke and because it was a night shift, the ED connected via iPad to a tele-stroke unit. Well, the doctor and nurses were having difficulty connecting. There was a number to call but it wasn’t enough digits to be a telephone number. During emergencies, I tend to observe and record, that’s more or less the job, but I walked up to the tablet and started pressing buttons, I had a good instinct about what was going on. Sure enough, the number wasn’t a telephone number but a conference code. They needed to enter an app and connect via conference line. Voila, I made it happen. I was really proud of myself because I have this passive nature where I tend not to get involved, but I was able to help, my skills were useful. I’m sure they would have gotten it figured out, but I helped save some time.

Similarly, during a chemistry exam, I noticed the student beside me had writing on her hand. It took me several minutes to work up the courage to ask her about it. She said they were her study notes and she offered to wash them off. I was still passive, saying, “it’s up to you if you wash it off” and “don’t you think that’s messed up?” But I didn’t cause a scene, I didn’t get the TA, I didn’t demand she wash her hands. The next day, I spoke to the professor about what my exchange with the student. Another move I wasn’t sure about — Was I trying to get her in trouble? Would the professor wonder why I didn’t do more? Would the professor wonder if I was making it up? But ultimately, confronting her and putting the situation in the hands of the Professor allowed me to walk away with a clean conscious. It wasn’t up to me to determine what would happen anyway, but something “wrong” clearly happened, so I spoke up. Could I have done more? Sure. But I did something, and I think that’s important.

My resolution and/or my goal for 2018 is to not miss out on opportunities. It can hurt to ask, but rejection won’t kill you either.

Be Forceful – Excerpt of my 2017 Annual Review

Walden’s Pond – Memory #7

This past summer, my parents enjoyed their first summer of retirement, it involved a lot of gardening and landscaping projects around the house. They really enjoyed themselves, and I got to eat of a lot of fresh vegetables! See, I’m currently living with them in my childhood home, and man, I really love this house. Obviously, it’s largely sentimental, but there are some legitimate upsides to the house and land. I’ve mentioned this to them–that I’d prefer if they didn’t sell the house–that it should be kept in the family (my siblings have said the same thing.) But my dad says no, they’ll probably sell the place, but they also haven’t made any efforts to do so in the past year.

So one evening as the sun is setting, at the end of summer, my dad and I are outside talking. We’ve been pulling brush out of the field and were taking a breather. “Hey dad, come on, you can’t sell this place. It’s too good. I want.”

“No, no, no. You don’t want this place, it’s too much work. You want a nice Walden Pond.”

Walden Pond?!

“I’m sorry — what — did you just make a Thoreau reference?!” My mouth agape.

My dad, who barely passed high school, who I’ve rarely seen with a book in his hands, made a Thoreau reference. It just tickled me pink. No matter how much we think we know people, we never really do, and it’s wonderful when the unexpected is something positive!

Walden’s Pond – Memory #7

Various Notes

On the job 15 years from now:
I’m comfortable and confident in being a doctor, even though I’m fairly new to the profession. I feel prepared and ready. Steady. I see myself in a white coat, in a quiet office/work space.

Work/activities that give me satisfaction:
Working one-on-one with people. Helping them, feeling like I’m making a positive impact. Being intellectually challenged and stimulated. Discovering new things.

Personal learning style, work habits:
Take my time. Start early. Plan accordingly. Don’t cram. Focus on what you’re doing–are you really reading to comprehend or just sitting in front of a book? Time management. Mold the system to work best for me rather than attempting to fit within the system.

Internal drive and external support.

People and professors around me. Athletics. Counseling.

One theme:
Overcoming. Prevail. Succeed. Triumph. Flourish. Thrive.
Independent thinking. Independent living.

Various Notes

Happy happy

A lot has been going on, and I just wanted to update the site to say that I’m happy. Everything isn’t perfect *cough* failed a test! oops *cough*, but I’m happy. And that’s such a good feeling. I’m grateful for the turns my life journey has/is taking. I’m making good choices.

School is tough, but I’m learning so much, and most of it is fascinating.

The weather is warming up, so I’m starting to hit the pavement and the courts.

My work life is more rewarding now, because after going to class and being a ‘noob’, it’s nice to turn to work and remind myself that I’m an ‘expert’ at something.

Volunteering has turned into a really unexpected friendship, and a spiritual awakening.

This post is a reminder. Things may not go perfectly, there may be bumps in the road, but the journey can still be good.

Happy happy