72 Hours of Ups and Downs

I keep meaning to write, and I just haven’t found the time. But then I was reminded of something and just had to share it. Tonight someone left a comment on my now-defunct, but still hilarious Telephone Pictionary blog. Warning: This is not a family friendly blog. My last post on that blog was in April of last year, and yet I checked the stats, and it gets like 10 hits a day. I find this really really really funny for some reason. And then I checked out some of the drawings like Going to Church and Were You in the Shit? and I double over in glee. Ahh too good, too good.

It was also a relief to laugh because the past few days have been stressful and bad. Not all bad, but overall bad. I spent much of Saturday and Sunday with a crazy, crazy hateful rage inside of me directed towards A and his friends. My Grievances Towards Adam Hopkins Part 2.5 was in the making – however, for the time being it’s adverted. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wanted him to die some horrible painful death, how I wouldn’t give a fuuuck, how I wanted him to break his hands and never play music again, how I wanted to tell off him and his friends, who suck purely by association (I know irrational!), etc. etc. The worst part was I could not get myself out of this rage. And hating consumes a lot of energy. I suppose it’s just a necessary phase in this “grieving” process or whatever. But hopefully that’s the last of it.

I think this weekend was a little more difficult then the past few weeks because we were supposed to go to a wedding (with his parents) out of town. So, I inadvertently knew what he was doing, where he was, even though I didn’t want to be thinking about it. Next week, he’ll be with friends at a summer house at the beach. I know this, because I was supposed to go. Because we had all gotten together one night searching for houses and giggling over the ridiculous property names. So, I suppose next week will be more difficult than normal too, but eh. Hopefully after that, all our summer plans will have passed and I will never have to think about him again.

But back to this past weekend. What got me out of this rage? A much more direct and timely anger. See, in an attempt to get over my rage towards A, I told myself to go down to the farmer’s market, and if I still felt crappy when I got home then, and only then, could I lie in bed and cry all afternoon – because I’m a little bitch, yea yea. (To be fair though, I’ve gone quite a many days, nay even two weeks, without crying over that idiot and “idiotess” – his girl idiot? ha.) I went to the farmer’s market and as I began to walk back home, somewhat simmered down, I realized my keys were missing. And let me tell you, this put me into quite the tizzy for the next five hours. It’s not like farmer’s markets have lost and founds. I’ll spare you the details of the whole ordeal, but it took a solid nap and a lot of crying before I could put that weekend behind me.

More sad news before I go onto better news. Well, this is sort of good news, but has overtones of sadness. They released my Grandma from the hospital, and she’s actually well enough to go back home for the time being, which is what she wanted all along. Hospice is meeting her tomorrow to set up a schedule for nurses and volunteers to come to the house and help her. When she gets worse though and needs 24/7 care, hopefully since hospice is already looking after her, it’ll be easier to get her into the residence. It’s sad too, because she talks about “when she gets better…” and I don’t know if this is the denial or if she actually doesn’t understand that it’s terminal. She thinks the issues with her brain is just a matter of some issue she has with her leg. So, I can’t tell if it’s just grieving denial, or if her mental faculties actually aren’t with it anymore…

On to happier news, I have so much happening for me professionally and creatively that it’s very exciting, if not a little stressful. I won’t get into the full details, but here are some things I’m working on (these notes are really more for me, but do read on):

– Inspiration series
– Female Designer Interviews
– Creation of a typeface
– Thank you cards
– 3 Typefaces – one script, one sans and one undecided
– Propaganda posters

I’m sure you’ll find out more about these things on here or on my design blog: The Gray Suite in the future. (Oh, and something else cool, today’s Brought to You by the Letter… was Lobster, B. And the creator of Lobster, Pablo Impallari, left a comment on my post, which made me feel special. Yay.)

What else, what else. Work is good. I always feel like it’s dull for two days and then a shit storm for two days where everything is due and clients want to talk on the phone for hours, etc. It’s not a bad thing though, I like the pressure. I got three sign-offs in one day, which is well, bad ass. I can also tell that my design skills keep getting better. Ya know, the whole practice makes perfect. I’m nowhere near perfect, but I’m also no longer anywhere near sucking.

Oh, and I also realize that I’m going to drop my Facebook account soon. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when and provide contact info and all that good stuff. It won’t be until my two new sites go up, which should be sometime this month. Oh yea, did I not mention that yet? I have two sites (of my own creation, design and upkeeping) that should go live soon. YAY! Don’t worry, you’ll know when it happens because I’ll be doing figurative cartwheels all over this blog and Twitter. But back to dropping Facebook, I just sort of realized that I’d rather do 90% of my socializing in real life and not online. I think social media is great, and I’ll continue to utilize it for my profession, but I’d rather let my friendships naturally ebb and flow. I think it’s natural for people to come and go in one’s lifetime, but social media is sort of casting that notion aside, and I’m not sure if it’s for the better. Like a friend from college, whom I never talk to anymore, tells me Happy Birthday on Facebook, which is always nice. But at the same time, I’d be much more happy for him or her to call me up out of the blue and say, hey I’m coming into town, can I crash with you. Because than this person enters back into your life – even if only briefly – in a much more interesting way that provides for new memories and new assertions about this person. An electronic Happy Birthday, doesn’t quite do that. Facebook, for all its unlimited possibility for exchange and dialogue, is rather one-sided.

Okay, I think that’s it. Oh yeah, and I’m moving! Imagine everything I mentioned above, and then add on the fact that I’ve got to pack my life into boxes and throw stuff away, make trips to Goodwill, sell stuff on Craigslist (anyone need a couch, bookshelf or misc Ikea crap) and plan what I’ll need during my travels. Indeed, I’m stressed. 🙂

72 Hours of Ups and Downs

Out of Your Head Anniversary

Last night, I went to the 1 year anniversary of Out of Your Head. The basic gist of OOYH is that it’s a collective of area musicians who create improvised music every week in groups that do not ever play together normally. OOYH holds a special place in my heart because A is the co-founder. In addition, many of my friends are part of the collective. If you want to know more, check out the OOYH website.

I’ve taken photos of their performances before, and well it’s not easy to photograph a performance/event. Especially, at an intimate place like The Windup Space. I’m not really comfortable drawing attention to myself moving around the stage, or distracting the audience or the musicians. They might not even notice, but I worry that they do. I’m not all slick like a photo ninja, but I guess I won’t ever be if I don’t try harder. It’s also especially difficult because not only is it low light, and I don’t use flash because again, I don’t want to be distracting, and they bop around a lot very quickly. So bottom line, it’s difficult, but I will try, try, try again.

But here are some of the photos that did turn out okay:

John Dierker on reeds.
Auto exposure, 5.6 aperture, 1/6 shutter speed, ISO 1600

Susan Alcorn on Steel Peddle (?) Guitar
Auto exposure, 5.6 aperture, 1/6 shutter speed, ISO 1600

Ellery Eskelin on sax
Auto exposure, 5.6 aperture, 1/6 shutter speed, ISO 1600

Ellery Eskelin on sax
Auto exposure, 5.6 aperture, 1/6 shutter speed, ISO 1600

Out of Your Head Anniversary

A Good Night & Year

I’m not sure why, but tonight is the night I’m turning things around. I considered 2009 a bit of a disastrous year. I felt like I was losing myself. Everything I had prided myself on was slipping. But for the past few days, I feel like I’ve been emerging, and tonight might be the night to jump start myself.

I’m not really one of those people that thinks the new year marks anything very important. But my rejuvenation seems to be aligning quite nicely with the end of the old and start of the new. And I’m hopeful that 2010 will be a good year. And it feels good to be hopeful again. Perhaps my stars are aligning. Quick Google search, my horoscope for the day:

Set your craziest, wildest ideas free to roam — they are sure to find fertile fields! Speak up early and don’t be shy if people start to look at you funny, as that is all part of the plan. – From Astrology.com

I only partly buy into it. Ha. But a lot of people do believe that the new year is an important day. A once-upon-a-time good friend told me that how you spend new years eve reflects how the rest of your year will be. Last year, I had a really nice night at home watching Groundhog Day by myself eating popcorn and drinking champagne. I enjoyed it, but perhaps this is what put me into a funk for the rest of the year: preferring to spend my time with fictional TV characters rather than real people; staying comfortable rather than trying new things. But not this new years eve. I’ll be social if not a little afraid of going to the bar without some reliable friend-anchor, but I know I’ll manage and it’ll be a good time.

But more on my good night tonight. Patting myself on the back for:

  • Starting this blog
  • Posting on womenonscreen.com and the Gray Suite
  • Posting on craigslist to get rid of some of my stuff including photos
  • Downloading some excellent music
  • Writing a couple of book reviews at GoodReads (find me!)
  • Brainstorming a crazy feminist art project

Still needs to be completed tonight:

  • Make lunch
  • Sketch ideas for SmashingMag’s January calendar
  • Gather school photos for work
  • Read

To be completed tomorrow:

  • Smashing mag calendar (all 10 variations)
  • Create Facebook portrait group
  • Sign-up on Etsy

My work is never done. And I like that.

A Good Night & Year