Various Notes

On the job 15 years from now:
I’m comfortable and confident in being a doctor, even though I’m fairly new to the profession. I feel prepared and ready. Steady. I see myself in a white coat, in a quiet office/work space.

Work/activities that give me satisfaction:
Working one-on-one with people. Helping them, feeling like I’m making a positive impact. Being intellectually challenged and stimulated. Discovering new things.

Personal learning style, work habits:
Take my time. Start early. Plan accordingly. Don’t cram. Focus on what you’re doing–are you really reading to comprehend or just sitting in front of a book? Time management. Mold the system to work best for me rather than attempting to fit within the system.

Motivation:
Internal drive and external support.

Coping:
People and professors around me. Athletics. Counseling.

One theme:
Overcoming. Prevail. Succeed. Triumph. Flourish. Thrive.
Independent thinking. Independent living.

Various Notes

Happy happy

A lot has been going on, and I just wanted to update the site to say that I’m happy. Everything isn’t perfect *cough* failed a test! oops *cough*, but I’m happy. And that’s such a good feeling. I’m grateful for the turns my life journey has/is taking. I’m making good choices.

School is tough, but I’m learning so much, and most of it is fascinating.

The weather is warming up, so I’m starting to hit the pavement and the courts.

My work life is more rewarding now, because after going to class and being a ‘noob’, it’s nice to turn to work and remind myself that I’m an ‘expert’ at something.

Volunteering has turned into a really unexpected friendship, and a spiritual awakening.

This post is a reminder. Things may not go perfectly, there may be bumps in the road, but the journey can still be good.

Happy happy

New Year: 2015 Look Back

For a while now, I’ve been doing a version of Chris Gullibeau’s Annual Review. And I really like doing this because it makes me appreciate everything I’ve gone through in the past 365 days. I highly encourage everyone to take some time to do it. It boils down to: what went well, what went poorly and what do you want to accomplish next year? I keep a pretty detailed version that covers everything personally and professionally, but here’s a little bit of it:

2015 Summary
Not as good as 2014, but a good year generally. Felt like there were several hurdles this year—not accepted into pre-med post-bacc programs, not accepted into meditation retreat, not accepted to volunteer at hospital, some minor health issues, etc. But to feel like it was a good year generally when faced with all those hurdles that is actually pretty incredible for me. I am more resilient than I realize.

2015 Highlights
• Cancun with DK, B, and DB
• Shadowing Dr. D
• Changed my legal name!
• Spring dating with J
• May visit to Greenpoint/NYC for GCEF meeting
• Time with M (her in Ithaca, me in NYC, phone calls, check-ins)
• Baltimore visit to see J in July
• Weekly tennis (with L, C, H)
• Months 1 and 2 of marathon training
• FaceTime calls with the kiddos
• NYC Marathon! 04:32:49
• Time with B — in Cancun, Boston, Ithaca
• Great time with M around New Years Eve
• Ended the year at 630 miles of run/biking/walking
• Ended the year at 115 volunteer hours (83 at HospiCare!)
• Ended the year at 36 books!

Goals for 2016
• PR in a run race (any distance)
• More cycling
• Do really well in school and enjoy it: remember, I am choosing this.
• Do one more thing to help my med school application (research/shadowing/volunteering)
• Be more social
• Get a tattoo

Theme for 2016: Self-Advocacy. Be my own champion.

New Year: 2015 Look Back

Personality // What Do You Spend Your Money On?

Recently on Quora, someone asked “What is the most effective way to see a person’s true personality?”

And someone responded:

The most effective ways to see a person’s true personality is in 2 ways:

1. observe them in times of adversity (or high stress)

2. watch what they spend their money on.

And I thought that was a pretty good strategy–not perfect, but a good place to start. As far as recalling my reactions to times of stress, well that’s a post in and of itself, really you can say this whole blog is dedicated to that!

I did opt to look at my finances to see where I had spent my money this past year (at least my credit card interactions from Feb – Nov.)

Health & Fitness (32%). Chiropractor, psychiatry, race fees. Plus general check-ups, etc. I feel OK with this given that my goal for this year was to take care of myself—mind, body and soul.

Food & Dining (13%). Mostly groceries. Then restaurants and bars. Practical.

Travel (11%). Mostly trips to NYC to see friends, or otherwise work- or health-related.

What does this say about my personality? I think it’s fair to sum up that I live a healthy, simple lifestyle. No real extravagances.

Of course, what doesn’t it say? Certainly, how a person spends their time should also be a large consideration when defining their personality. I have more time than money to give at the moment. So far this year, I’ve given over 100 hours of volunteer time! I’ve never thought about the cumulative total of hours before, so I’m feeling pretty awesome about that. Definitely a good reflection/assessment of who I am right now and what my priorities are.

Personality // What Do You Spend Your Money On?

Feeling Sad

I feel sad right now. More sad than I get lately. Meaning, I can’t really get devastatingly sad anymore. The medicine stops the hurricane, so to speak. But I’m sad now, and am tempted to sit on my bed, hug my knees and let that hurricane arrive. I’ve done it so many times before–and old habits are hard to break, even with medication.

What caused it? Pining away for a guy who’s not interested in me. Big surprise there, right? She remarks sarcastically.

But that’s just the trigger. What’s really eating away at me?

  • I feel like I’m existing, not living.
  • I feel like I’m not good enough–never have been, never will be.
  • I feel like I live in a world where I constantly have to defend my way of thinking.
  • I feel directionless.
  • And I feel like I’m the only one.

And yes, I feel like no one will ever love me. But I have been loved, and isn’t that good enough, can’t that console me in my present long enough to last me into the future where anything else possible?

I recognize that I’m just feeling a lot of negative things right now. And that I have the capability to feel positive things–I have to at least attempt to. And that right now is constantly changing. It’s hard for me to believe, but I can beat back a hurricane.

Feeling Sad